Friday, February 3, 2012

School Woes

Dear blog,

Sometimes, I am in class which has a background that I have no knowledge of (engineering/physics) and feel like a complete moron surrounded by other students who actually know what is going on. It is discouraging and makes me want to quit. But just about everything can be learned and I am just going to have to take the extra time to catch myself up. I have to repeat to myself, "I can do it. I can do it. I can do it."

Sometimes I have to finish an assignment for school and Juni will NOT go down for a nap and, bless her heart, pulls at my hand to come and play with her. I get super stressed out and think to myself, "What was I thinking? I shouldn't be doing this! My poor daughter just watches movies all afternoon while I work on homework. I am neglecting her." Then I barely make it to class on time and by the time class is over I realize, "No, I need to be in school. It is important to learn what I am learning and one day it will bless me, my family, and hopefully I can make some impact on the world. Besides, mornings and weekends with Juni are definitely quality moments." (And I'll be OK with myself if I don't leave an impact on the world. Outside of family and friends, most people don't and I'm not any different).

My point is, I should have finished school a long time ago. Hindsight is truly 20/20 folks! I need to finish school, I just should have been smarter about it. I thought it would get easier to focus as I got older (which is half true. Being older and more mature and busy has made me realize that writing a paper isn't so hard, just time consuming) but life just becomes more complicated and difficult, making school harder in turn. It is kind of like how Heath and I thought we were so poor before Juni came into our lives, but we never that we would have to make ends meet on one part time salary. Thank goodness for grants. Oy! How naive I was. And how naive I must be now compared to when I am 30, 50, 70. And yet despite my naïveté, I must seize the day as patterns show life will only get more complicated.

This post sounds really negative but it is actually supposed to be motivating (I'm a terrible motivator) so perhaps this will do the job well instead:

It worked! I feel motivated! But I must add that in the second video when they scanned through the boys, I just pictured Christian Bale as Batman singing in his scratchy Batman voice. Oh, I had a good laugh.


1 comment:

  1. School is definitely a whole new juggle with babies.
    I try and take it a day at a time, or else I will pull out my hair or cry. Or both.

    You'll be to the finish line soon :)