Saturday, February 27, 2010
Heath does and says a lot of funny things and I need to remember them. So, whenever there is a small moment that cracks me up (and when he's not trying to be funny, I feel this point is important) I am going to tell you about it so I can look back and laugh and say, "Oh yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha....."
The other day I decided to make some bratwurst for dinner. Heath loves bratwurst with ALL the fixings. I am in the kitchen getting everything together and Heath joins me. We're talking about who knows what and then, all of the sudden, Heath decides to take my hand, hold my waist, and press his forehead to mine and leads me around the kitchen in a lovely romantic dance. I smile and think he's so sweet and wonderful. Kisses and a short minute passes and then in a soft, loving voice he says.....
"I wish we had sauerkraut."
He really knows how to make me swoon!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Remember when I did this side-by-side comparison? It was only a couple weeks ago. Well, this one should have been first. This picture was taken in her first day of life and every time I looked at it I knew I had seen it before. After a couple weeks I realized what it was and boy, did I laugh!
You've seen Disney's Fantasia, right?
So far, Juniper only resembles food.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
When I got pregnant, I knew immediately that I wanted a home birth. Heath and my in-laws were hesitant but with persuasion (and education) Heath felt comfortable with a home birth and my family was kind enough to let us do our thing. I was so excited and was happy to tell just about anyone my plans. I got a lot of grief from people. "Isn't that dangerous?" "What if something bad happens?" "What if it's an emergency?" "So, you can't have an epidural???" I even got a few eye rolls. The worst was "Don't try to be a hero." It was like they thought I was so naive. I felt like David against Goliath, but I wasn't scared. I worked for an OB/GYN for 2 years and I still knew that a home birth was for me. I also did my homework and I knew home birth is a safe route to go for any low-risk woman. If anything, they were naive.
Close to pushing time
I like this picture because you can see the cord is still around her neckBringing her up to me so I can hold her
7 lbs 4 ozShe looked just like Grandma KerriProud Daddy
It is true that medical intervention is necessary at times and that the epidural is a WONDERFUL option for pain. I was blessed to have a short labor but others aren't as lucky. There is no doubt of the feat a woman accomplishes in giving birth no matter the method. But I believe my drug free home birth was the single most empowering thing that I've ever experienced. It erases all the doubt, shame, discouragement, embarrassment in myself that I've had in the past.
Together at last
Saturday, February 20, 2010
There's no doubt we act like our parents from time to time, if not all the time. I'm sure we all have said or done something which we instantly realize was just like our mom or dad. One thing I do like my mother is correct people who pronounce something wrong. Heath, on the other hand, is like his father and frequently says a word incorrectly. Clearly, we were made for each other (Not that I'm proud of correcting people. In fact, I'm working hard on keeping my mouth shut).
For instance, When my mom came into town when we had our baby she brought with her chocolate covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii. I noticed that whenever Heath would say "macadamia" it sounded like he added an "n" at the end. Finally, after about the 10th time of him saying it I brought it up and we had a conversation that went a little like this...
Me: Are you saying "macadamian?"
Heath: Yeah, macadamian nuts.
Me: No, I mean not macadamia but macadamian?
Heath: They're called macadamian nuts.
Me: It's macadami-UH not macadami-AN.
Heath: Yeah, macadamian.
Me: You're saying it like these nuts are from a place called macadamia. Like macadamians come from macadamia (laughing).
Heath: (serious) It's macadamian, Emily. (He's just messing with me now to see how long I'm going to keep this up).
Me: Where's the box, I'm going to show you there is no "n" at the end of macadami-UH.
Heath: You're going to be wrong.
I found the box and I was right! But it's not about always being right, right? Then earlier this afternoon I had deja vu. Heath brought me home some Girl Scout Cookies, Samoas to be exact. We are snacking on them and Heath is talking about how much he likes them.
Heath: I think Samoans are the best ones. Then Tag-a-longs. Thin mints are good too.
Me: It's Samo-UHs not Samo-ANs.
Heath: Yeah, Samoans.
Me: Wait, didn't already have this conversation?
Heath: I think we have.
Me: What was it?
A minute goes by...
Heath: Macadamian nuts
Me: Oh yeah. Macadamia.
Heath: Macadamian nuts and Samoans
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Every Saturday night Heath does his shows at NCT-National Comedy Theatre and Juniper sleeps most of the night so I usually spend my Saturday nights alone. I rarely go out on these nights because it corresponds with Juniper's long stretch of sleep. I don't mind much. I'm just happy that Heath gets to perform each week. After working at a job he'd rather not have, going to NCT is his bread & butter. It's what keeps him alive! I am very proud of him, that he went for it and auditioned a year ago and made it! He still gets nervous before shows and can't eat. I think it is very sweet and silly too. He has nothing to worry about because he always does a great job and anyone who knows him would agree that he is quite the funny fellow.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Juniper will be 10 weeks tomorrow. She is getting big and I can read her cues much easier and I am happy to say that I read them best. That, of course, makes me feel like her mother and that no one else is. I know, it sounds a bit selfish. But this isn't what I wanted to talk about.
The other day I went grocery shopping because we were out of food and Heath and I were hungry for some dinner. I went to a farmer's market and discovered that if you go about 30 minutes before they close they put their rotisserie chicken on sale because they cannot sell them the next day. So, I grabbed one. We needed to eat still anyways and we didn't want to wait any longer to cook something.
As I placed the knife to the chicken's skin, ready to carve, I noticed that I have seen those legs before. Except the kind of legs I was thinking of were not chicken legs, although I may want to eat them from time to time because they are so soft and squishy. No, they looked more like my baby's legs. See below.
It gave me a good laugh (and a full tummy).
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Little miss Juniper Lucy turned 2 months old yesterday and she is getting so big. She feels much more substantial (physically) now. I think she has mastered holding her head up very well. I can pull her up from lying to standing just holding her arms. She has been smiling for a month and smiles more and more each day. Right now she enjoys the ceiling fan. She smiles at it like it is making jokes and faces at her. I must say that I actually enjoy changing diapers. I find her bum and little frog legs so cute and the only way I see them is when I change her. Speaking of dirty diapers, she cannot stand to be wearing one. She enjoys bath time but does not enjoy the cold shock when she comes out of the water. Heath and I always joke that her best friends (aka her hands) are always getting her into trouble: Hitting her in the face, beating the bottle to her mouth and blocking the way, or sneaking out of the blanket and waking her up. When she coos she makes some of the cutest noises I have ever heard. Whenever she is tired she will not go to sleep until she is securely swaddled and rocked to sleep in my arms. Luckily, I can easily lie her down in her bassinet once she is asleep. I love the feeling of knowing she trusts me and needs me for her to succumb to a quiet sleep. I love that she does not feel the need to cry when it is sleepy time. I love holding her in my arms and being her mom. The feeling that I am her only biological mother, the one who carried and birthed her. What a wonderful experience that was.
I have a point to this. At around 6 weeks postpartum Juniper and I were still working on successfully breastfeeding. There were roadblocks one after another and I promised her we would get through it and that I would never give up. That I would give everything I could to ensure that she received the most fortified food on the planet. But after six weeks of ups and downs, encouragement and discouragement, trial and error, I had to give up. I was stressed out and crying almost every day. We would clear one hurdle but soon another one appeared and it became more and more difficult to muster up the emotional strength to tackle it. I could no longer take the rejection. It hurt to think that I should be the unlucky mom to have these seemingly endless struggles at the breast. I did not feel as close to my baby. I did not enjoy taking care of her. I did not like that I felt that way. So, I had to give in. It was so difficult to call it quits and when I gave in I fell apart. I could not contain my tears. I felt like a failure. Like I could not do what any woman should be able to do. It was terrible.
It could not have gotten any darker.
Then, the light appeared. I accepted my defeat and guess what...Juniper was crying less. I was crying less. I could place her down to sleep. She could happily be awake without me holding her. She allowed me to get other household work done. I noticed the little things that she was doing that melted my heart. She got cuter and cuter daily and I began to feel closer to her. I feel like she knows me and trusts me more. I was not troubled constantly with the strain of nursing and neither was she.
I love being a mom and though it is still hard work I love serving my daughter. The more I serve her the better I feel and the more I love her. I am not unlucky at all. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and delivery and a perfectly healthy little girl. That is why I can enjoy reading the above list of lovely daily events.
I do wish that nursing turned out a lot different but I was wisely advised to not look back. But if I could start over and try again I would. And I will with my future children. I am certain that I will succeed one day.